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You know if you keep looking there is humor in EVERYTHING.

So I have a friend that is looking at jewelry online...And though I'm not looking to make a jewelry purchase I do like to surf the web looking for a great deal (don't we all want to be a shopping hero really?) and when you're looking for anything online you always find yourself at ebay.com at one point. Anyway, I got inspired to look too and attached to an item I was looking at had this disclaimer with it...in regards to the return policy. Keep in mind 1) Keep reading [I know it's long] 2) It's regarding a piece of jewelry 3) This is real. ENJOY!

REFUNDS/EXCHANGES:All sales are final. Refunds/exchanges will be made ONLY in the event that the item is not as represented in the auction. If such a misrepresentation is claimed, you must contact us within 5 days of receipt of item. Additionally, the return must be accompanied by written appraisal from a professional jeweler confirming the discrepancy claimed. UNACCEPTABLE reasons for refund/exchange include: A) "I changed my mind." B) "I know what I bid, but I don't feel like paying that much." C) "I didn't read the entire description until after I won the item." D) "I had a fight with my significant other and won't be giving the item to him/her after all." E) "I found another one somewhere else." F) "Item was severely damaged when I dropped it into the kitchen garbage disposal." G) "My astrologer says if I wear this item I will suffer really bad karma and be reborn as a carrot cake on Bill Gates's dinner table." H) "The Air Force is suing me because the glare from the bling was so bright it caused a fighter pilot to go blind and crash, and they want fifty trillion dollars to replace the super secret experimental antimatter jet he was flying." I) "My dog ate it." J) "I didn't buy it from YOU, but it's similar to something you sell, so give me a refund anyway." K) "Space aliens placed the bid telepathically through my eBay account, so it's not MY bid." Seriously folks, we're not unreasonable -- but we do take your bid as a legally binding contract (as per eBay's policy), and we request that you do the same.